Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Why you SHOULDN'T be a runner

So as I was spacing out in my 3 hour and 5 minute long class today, while the weather was all lovely and perfect and nice out  I began to think about a 2 part series I could write about for my blog. And I thought of it, why you SHOULD and why you SHOULDN'T like running/be a runner.

I'm going to start today off with reasons why you SHOULDN'T like running and then end it tomorrow with a positive note. So here it goes.

Reasons you should not be a runner:

1. You are perpetually hungry.
Like all the time. Hungry hungry hippos. munching, crunching, and a snacking fiend. You've eaten a meal and an hour later you are ready for a snack to hold you over until the next snack which will finally get you to your next meal. I wish the consistency of running did not have this affect on me, because I feel like all of the work and effort put into burning those calories is cancelled directly back out by what I consume in the hours afterward!

Oh sure, a nice pair of running shoes is going to run you about $100 oh and you have to replace them every 6 months or 600 miles?! OH and they are gonna start reeking once you begin to develop a love for them!? Sounds like a major waste of money for a pretty pair of tennis shoes right?! Then you can't even where these fancy-shmancy shoes out in public, in fear that others can smell the awfulness that your running has placed in these shoes. This is clearly reason #2 for my recent purchase of new running shoes, not only had I racked up quite a bit of mileage on them but they also had a pleasant stench to them. Let's just say, one day I packed my running clothes in a bag and didn't end up running, well the next day I pull out my shirt packed in the bag with it, and yup, shirt smelled like my shoes. Sweet. NOT!

3. Headaches from Ponytails (ok so this may only be applicable to women or men with fancy long hair)
Ok so I'm not sure if I am the only one that suffers from this ailment. But oftentimes, if my hair is not feelin' a good run, it will make sure I understand that by giving me a headache.  Or sometimes just giving me a weird, pulling, nagging feeling at the top of my forehead. Either option, not so enjoyable. And no, it is not possible to run with your hair down unless:
1. you enjoy eating your hair
2. you like it being stuck to the back of your neck because of sweat
3. you do not like the air flow behind your neck created by the ponytail
4. you have a fear of ponytail holders, in which I suggest an alternative mode of getting your hair out of your face, maybe a hairnet?!

4. Blistered, icky feet
Running does not promote good foot health and will not lead you to a life of foot modeling. Running shoes, different types of socks, and even just plain old running cause nasty things such as blisters and thickness of the skin to develop on the feet, therefore making them not particularly something someone would call pretty princess feet. I know, at times, Michael's feet (which don't run NEAR as often as mine do) are smoother than mine, which is strange, I AM A GIRL FOR PETE'S SAKE!

5. Higher Frequency of Laundry
Help! I've worn all my running clothes and have nothing left to wear!
A person can only own SO many pairs of socks (during the winter you could go through 2 pairs of socks a day, with running and normal wear), running shorts, etc. If you are a runner, a committed runner, you will have a CONSTANT issue with keeping up with your laundry. Unless you are either A) Richie Rich or B) A Duck Tails Characterand can afford to buy tons and tons of running clothes. People like me, in my poor college student situation however cannot. I have 4 pairs of running shorts I really like, 2 that I don't really like but will wear if I have to (they tend to give me wedgies), so in a perfect world, I would have to do laundry on the 4th day of running, now how fun/realistic is that?! NEITHER really!

6. GUILT! 
if you are a runner you will face guilt from yourself every single day that you convince yourself not to run. And oh, how fun are those internal arguments/debates you have with yourself when you are trying to decide whether or not to exercise?! I oftentimes feel crazy. Days that you skip a run that you had planned you begin to feel GUILTY and then you begin to feel LAZY (even though you realize you aren't) and the cycle continues. And that may be one reason people think you are crazy for being a runner.

7. PAIN!
running is a pain sometimes. As soon as you start to feel your body getting into shape, BAM, POW, your body decides it wants to develop shin splints, or hello knee you want to hurt every time I move my leg, you know the drill. Running can be painful. Running is also painful because the second you take it out of your routine it is almost impossible to be in shape again and then you have to start from square one all over again. Do you know how fast it seems to take for me to feel out of shape? Maybe 6-7 days of not running. How long does it take for me to feel in shape again? Maybe a month. IT stinks. So if you're a runner, you must like pain and a strong commitment to this insane thing!

8. Cotton mouth -
NO not the snake silly readers! You don't know what cotton mouth is?! OHHH goodness. Cotton mouth is that extreme uber dry feeling in your mouth, no saliva and no solution! I experienced this problem recently in my 8 mile run. It is not a good feeling. It's like being stuck in a desert and there's no water in sight. Oh you should run with water?! Try carrying water for 8 miles, without your body feeling uneven from the weight of that water bottle. 

9. Often times your running schedule is dictated by the weather. (although I know I few crazies who would be out running no matter the weather)
If you are a runner you must decide, will I be inside or out today. Being an indecisive person like myself it is hard to make judgment calls like this every night before I go to bed when determining my running schedule for the next day, half the time the weather forecast is wrong too. The worst feeling is a planned outside run (no rain in the forecast) but alas you wake up to torrential downpours, who likes moving a run from the outside to a treadmill? I for one do not!

10. People in the world are scary and some cannot be trusted.
OK, right this is true but what does it have to do with running?! Well, a whole lot my friend! When you are out, doing your little job and the homeless guy with the scary beard shouts means words at you, it is frightening. You are already tired from running, will you be too tired to escape?! Or the people that are oblivious to pedestrian runners, oh hey there, you don't need to use the crosswalk, I'll just run over you with my car. OR there's the creepy man driver that feels it is necessary to honk a million times as he drives past (I always look, hoping it is someone I know, 9 out of 10 times it is not!) or whistles or shouts something out his window. Gross people. Please just go about your business in the normal fashion. A person running does not mean that they are there for your entertainment. 

Well there you go readers. That is 10 reasons why you SHOULD NOT be a runner. Feelin' awful negative and pessimistic about this activity now?! Well tune in tomorrow where I will discuss the happy, good, positive things about being a runner. 

Do you have any other disadvantages to being a runner? Do you disagree with me about something (these are all my opinion of course and some of it is supposed to be funny), leave a comment below or let me know if you agree and some of this made you smile!! I hope you enjoyed the post, it's something different for once. I will base how well received it was through the amount of comments I receive! Peace out readers!  



  1. Thats why you should its much more awesome than running..

  2. For some reason I feel like "Anonymous" is Daniel Rothschild, but I could be totally wrong

  3. So funny and true ... can't wait for the 10 good things.

  4. Can't answer your poll or totally relate to the running thing as I am an avid walker!!

  5. Yes to all above and I'm only a few months in!